I just got back from Jimmy John’s. I ate an extra Vito because my iPhone was almost dead. I had planned on charging it up earlier, but I was feeling drained myself. There was no way I could spare 1000 calories before lunch. Once I ate, I put my iPhone onto “charge mode” and watched as the power bar slowly moved from red to green. I was stuffed now and didn’t mind that half of my lunch was going into my phone.
I just had my power implant put in last month. I’m still getting used to balancing my body’s need for energy versus my devices’ need for energy, but it’s pretty easy with the app that tells me how to prioritize my calories. It helps that it’s sponsored by Jimmy John’s and it tells me exactly what to order for lunch to charge my iPhone and my JamBox for the rest of the day. All I had to do was have an implant made of millions of piezoelectric wires placed into my thigh. The wires are able to convert thermoelectric current from my body into a real energy source. The implant can wirelessly charge any device synced to my implant.
I had been wanting to lose some weight, but my schedule was packed. I was running 30 minutes in the morning, but with all my happy hours and lunches, I was still packing on the pounds. With my implant I needed about 1500 extra calories a day to power my devices. After one month I had dropped those 10 pounds without doing anything differently.
When I went to get my implant, my girlfriend was still too scared to get one, but when she saw my six-pack start to show, she was on-board without much convincing. The operation was about $3,000 and the implant was $15,000. My HSA funds weren’t eligible because congress still hadn’t passed any legislation to cover it. It was still probably three to five years before it would be covered. I couldn’t wait though. I dipped into savings to have it done. I figured the health benefit alone was worth it. It was so easy to stay trim now that I could burn off a bacon cheeseburger by charging up my phone and I could burn off the fries by charging up my speakers.
I was still far from being an early-adopter. I had been reading for a year or two about people with the implant. The “before” and “after” pictures were convincing enough. To see some cube-slob drop 50 pounds in a year by doing nothing but the implant had convinced me. I was just getting the power implant while thousands in Silicon Valley had already moved on to many more interesting devices stuck under their skin.
At the end of the day, it was really something I wanted to do for health reasons, convenience and to take some of the burden off of the environment. One-third of the planet was obese and over half was over-weight. We were using mostly coal to create energy which millions of us used to power-up our phones and accessories. If I could set an example on how to use my own fat, which I despised anyway, so that I could power-up all the devices I used every day, I was more than happy to get in line. I think you’ll be happy to do the same. You’ll look great.